when do i step back?

 Our perceptions induce all of our beliefs. Yet, belief is such a broad term, because one might mention spiritual, or individual ideals, of many. Either way, our window into the world determines, and is determined, by our experiences. Allow me to share an experience of mine, in which you might consider your own thoughts about belief and the subconscious mind. 

LMA · when do i step back?

script:

Hi, I’m LA. I can not give you my full name, but I can tell you a story.

Before we do that, you might want to know a few “truths” about me. I’m currently a freshman exploring the new realm of online learning, and spare time for me is usually occupied with sketching, listening to music, and on occasion, going outside. 

But, you can probably picture these hobbies pretty easily, if you don’t do them already. Something a little harder to picture, is what goes on subconsciously, or some of those thoughts we try to bury away.

And so this guides the main subject of today’s podcast, or soapbox, if you will. To answer a question such as, “what do you believe in?” we will have to take a trip to this subconscious I mentioned earlier. 

Now, subconsciously I think we are constantly making connections in our brains. Similar to babies, we absorb the energy and language around us. Often, we absorb ideas that come from what we hear from others, or, in other words, from listening. This prospect of listening is one of the most important tools, I think, humans have developed. Even Carl Jung formulated the “pyramid of the unconscious,” in which he displayed different layers of human consciousness. Below our conscious mind is the first layer of the unconscious, or the “Personal” unconscious. This is where our individual wants and personal drives are found, which is also where we can do substantial amounts of reflection. 

In retrospect, I spent a lot of my life reacting instead of listening. My experience throughout my childhood left me with plenty of internalized ideas about my identity, like my race or my gender. 

Of course, as an infant, you are completely oblivious to these principles and labels, but as I got older, I’ve only become more aware of what people see when they look at me. It became a constant migraine that no medicine could fix.

A migraine so persistent, in fact, I formed my own assumptions too. This most definitely lead to insecurities with comparing myself and trying to be flawless. It was not until a classmate of mine passed away, that I realized I needed to take a step back. Coming back to listening, again, I think the key to stepping back is actually listening to yourself, not just absorbing others’ energy. This I believe, because I have to know when to step back. When to stop idealizing perfection and when to quit burning myself out. 

Another philosopher that ties into this idea of reflection, is Socrates. Although he lived in a time very distinguished from the contemporary era, Socrates was not a natural philosopher. His time spent in market places was often used to guide people with inquisitions of their shortcomings. So this forced them to “look within,” in order to employ common sense, and ultimately, happiness. 

Circling back to a pivotal time in my life, after graduating from middle school, I found a place that accepted me in the environment I love most; learning. And so here, I think I’ve learned that my experiences, whether derived from my thoughts, words, or actions, all come together to characterize the ideas that form.. Me. And Plato, Socarates’ mentor, even believed that ideas are “eternal,” and what we observe in the sensory world is that everything changes. So while the interpretations of my experiences are ever-changing, I also believe change is essential in a lifestyle that idealizes growth and learning. 

Honestly, the takeaway from this has more to do with self-reflection and getting to know yourself better. It’s one thing to be aware of your flaws, but it’s another to reflect on a way of making them productive and stimulating.